So I got a tumblr cause I was made too by a friend and now it seems I just go on there and forget about here. Which sucks, because I love this blog and it seems to be the only one I've made and actually kept up with.

www.orlyhannah.tumblr.com

I haven't felt myself lately. At all.

College is shit, I'm starting to really not enjoy it at all. The work is fairly okay once you get the hang of it, but my motivation is nowhere to be found. I leave everything till last minute and even when I do the work, I always read through it after and know I could improve it drastically but never do. People there are pissing me off. Well one person actually. There a few other people who I try to make the effort to talk too but I never know what to say. Plus I don't know why I bother most of the time because they don't make the effort to talk to me. They'll talk to my friends when I'm right there and yet they still say nothing to me. They'll even hug them goodbye yet don't even SAY bye to me. I really don't think they like me. I wouldn't care if they didn't and I knew why, but they don't even know me yet and they seem to not want to get too either. Thank god I have Emma there or I simply wouldn't bother.

I saw my friends who I haven't seen in ages last night. We ate chinese and watched a film at Luci's then Fae and I ended up staying over. I got the bus home at 8 this morning with them on their way to school, I was still wearing last nights clothes, had no make up on and just looked and felt like a tramp to be honest. It wasn't until I was on the way there beforehand that I realised I hadn't seen any of them properly in well over a month, well since Reading Fest in mid-August really. Half of our group are at uni now and the rest all see each other at sixth form so there never seems to be group things outside of school arranged anymore. I had a pretty shit day at college and I was hoping seeing them would cheer me up and make me snap out of this weird feeling I have going on right now, but it really didn't. They even said I seemed quiet, and I tried to get involved with their conversations but most of the time it was about school and I didn't know what they were on about so just sat feeling a bit left out.

I don't know what the fucks wrong with me?! I hate feeling like this. I'm so nostalgic about last year and summer and its annoying the hell out of me. The only thing that seems to be keeping me half sane is Blur's discography, which even then is mostly just 'The Universal' on repeat. I just want...something, something really good to come along and make me snap out of this.